30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 18

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 18: What do you wish people would understand in regards to mental illness and/or mental health?

I would like people to recognize that they are a disease, much like diabetes or lupus or something else physical, and treat them with the same level of understanding and compassion -- meaning that people may be fine for a long time, then have a bad episode and need to take a few days off to cope. Or that people may need accommodations. And so on.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 17

I took an unplanned break from this, but I'm picking up where I left off now!

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 17: If you could get rid of your mental illness(es) would you? Why or why not? 

Yes. Absolutely, 100% without question yes.

My illnesses have stunted me in a lot of ways -- socially, professionally, etc -- and I don't feel there is much that I gained by having them. So if I could eliminate them completely, I would.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 16

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 16: How many people are you “out” to with your mental illness(es)? Why?

Pretty much everyone I know. I don't walk into a job interview like "hi, I'm Liza and I have anxiety and depression," but I'm not afraid to share it if for some reason the topic comes up.

I do this for two reasons. On a personal level, I think that it helps that people understand that this is going on inside my head, and might affect how I act at times. I don't use it as an excuse to be terrible, but sometimes things happen and it's good to be able to explain why. I also think that it's important that as many people as possible are open about mental illness, so that others can see that we can still be functional, contributing members of society and hopefully eliminate stigma.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 15

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 15: How has your life been effected by your illness(es)? (Some ideas are: relationships, career, school)

I had a very difficult time in journalism school, as far as making friends and connections, because my depression wasn't controlled at the time and was manifesting itself in sneaky ways. It made me withdrawn and negative and irritable, which made it hard to meet people and forge relationships.

 I have what my mother calls a wall up around me. I don't let people in. This makes social and romantic relationships nearly impossible. When I am in a setting with the friends I do have, I often feel less like I'm in the moment and more like I'm watching from within a glass box.

According to my therapist, it's common for people with PTSD to have a shortened sense of the future. I don't plan ahead. I can't visualize myself in 5 or 10 years. I can focus on the immediate -- finishing the semester, getting through the holidays, and starting up again in January. But I can't picture my comps, or my dissertation, or what I may do after I'm done. And I've felt this way for as long as I can remember.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 14

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 14: Have you ever experienced stigma? 

Not to my knowledge. People have reacted negatively to the ways I behaved during uncontrolled periods in my depression, but as far as I know there have not been any incidents where someone learned of my issues and then treated me differently.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 13

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 13: If you know the criteria of your illness(es) which ones do you think you meet? Or what are your most common symptoms?

 The criteria for depression (from the DSM-IV-TR) are:

Depressed mood and/or loss of interest or pleasure in life activities for at least 2 weeks and at least five of the following symptoms that cause clinically significant impairment in social, work, or other important areas of functioning almost every day:
1. Depressed mood most of the day. 
2. Diminished interest or pleasure in all or most activities. 
3. Significant unintentional weight loss or gain. 
4. Insomnia or sleeping too much. 
5. Agitation or psychomotor retardation noticed by others. 
6. Fatigue or loss of energy. 
7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt. 
8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness. 
9. Recurrent thoughts of death (APA, 2000, p. 356).

I have felt every single one of those, except number 3, at one point in time or another. Numbers 2, 4, 7, and 8 are the ones that are most consistently present in my life, while 1, 5, 6, and 9 creep up when I'm in an episode.

The DSM-IV-TR criteria for anxiety are:

A. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more-days-than-not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance). 
B. The person finds it difficult to control the worry. 
C. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) (only 1 for children) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms present for more-days-than-not for the past six months). 
1. Restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge
2. Being easily fatigued
3. Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
4. Irritability
5. Muscle tension
6. Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless unsatisfying sleep)
D. The focus of the anxiety and worry is not confined to features of other Axis I disorder (such as social phobia, OCD, PTSD etc.)
E. The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
F. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism), and does not occur exclusively during a mood disorder, psychotic disorder, or a pervasive developmental disorder.

And again, I've felt all of those at different times. I am, however, interested to see how they change or subside when my stress levels are lower.

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 12

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 12: What do you think about your diagnosis in general? (Some ideas are: stereotypes, commonalities, misdiagnosis, over diagnosis)

I'm pretty much at peace with my diagnosis at this point. It feels pretty accurate and it's good to have a name for what I go through.

I was just at therapy yesterday and when we were discussing some things my shrink referred to it as PTSD. I had never thought of it in that light before, even though I associate a lot of my issues with the past trauma of being bullied. But trauma doesn't have to be from a single event, like war or a horrible accident or something. It can be from a buildup of things over time. I think that cleared up a stereotype or misconception for me.