I'm Not the Woman at the Ballgame, But I Could Be

Recently, a hateful, fat-shaming photo surfaced on the internet.

OK, I'm going to have to be more specific.

A picture surfaced that showed a fat woman in the seats at a baseball game, taken from the back and clearly without her consent, with a caption that discussed how much she had eaten during the game, how many calories that was, and how "unhealthy" that made her. I'm not going to embed the appalling photo here and sully my blog, but if you really want to be enraged, you can view it on imgur.

To add insult to injury, a post was then released by "The Anti-Jared" claiming to be that woman, saying that she had lost a bunch of weight already and blah blah blah. But it actually turned out that that post was not written by the woman in the photo, it was written by this pathetic excuse for a blogger anti-Jared putting himself in her shoes.

This woman has been victimized and had her image used without consent not once, but twice now. As far as I know, she has not come forward or said anything, nor does she have any obligation to.

I'm writing this not to put any words in this woman's mouth -- enough others have already tried to do that -- but to point out that this could easily have been me.

I'm fat. Not curvy, chubby, plump, fluffy, or corpulent. Fat. If I were at a Cardinals game I would also be squished into the seats -- I know this because that's exactly what happens at Yankee Stadium. The seats are small and rigid and not made for fat butts. When I sit in them I squish uncomfortably, my belly and thighs forced out in different directions. If the human body wasn't somewhat malleable I wouldn't get in there at all.

I don't blame myself, I blame the stadium and those who designed it. I get that they want to put in as many seats as possible to sell, but there should be attention paid to human comfort. Yes, in case there's any question: fat people count as human.

I catch people staring at me on the regular. Before anyone jumps in and says "you're just saying that because you're self-conscious" or "you don't know what they're thinking" -- I know I don't. But I also know how the quantity and quality of stares change based on how fat I am (I have been varying degrees), what I'm doing, and how much I adhere to the arbitrary rules that say I should cover my body. I've had people take pictures (you're never as subtle as you think you are) and make comments to me. If I call out someone's lousy behavior (don't ride your bikes on the footpath, people!) the retort is always simply that I'm fat, as if that invalidates anything else about me.

So yes, you're damn right, I am self-conscious. I don't blame my fat for that, I blame the ways people respond to fat (mine and others'). I am very much conscious of the fact that people have bigoted notions about my body based on how much adipose tissue it contains and the way I feel and act about that. If I dare to eat, especially something that's deemed "bad," stares get worse. If I dare to sit down on the subway and my thighs touch another person, the stares get worse. If I dress in a way that makes me happy instead of wearing only muumuus in a black vertical stripe pattern, the stares get worse.

My fat is not the problem. Reactions to it are.

The woman at the baseball game is not the problem.

Whatever she was doing or eating is not the problem.

The fact that someone felt compelled to take her picture from behind, post it online with the express purpose of mocking it, and ascribe values and judgments to her entirely neutral behaviors is. The fact that someone else put a narrative in her mouth is a problem. Bigots who treat fat people as subhuman are the problem. Fat people are not. We have a right to exist in public, to eat what we want, to be as healthy or unhealthy as we want (or can be), to wear what we choose, and to live our own damn lives without input from anyone unless we ask for it. Our bodies are not an example to be made about some trumped-up issue plaguing the nation. They are our bodies. They are neutral. They deserve dignity and respect.

Studying the (Relatively) Unstudied

I need to find an adviser.

My school assigned one to me, of course, but I have to have a second. An external adviser, to help with the subject matter of my dissertation. See, I'm in an interdisciplinary field -- Information Studies -- and part of my program involves taking courses in a co-related area, in addition to the external adviser search.

So what's the problem? Why can't I just ask one of my sociology professors to do it?

I could, technically. But none of the classes I'm taking is exactly where I want to focus my research. I want to write my dissertation on the fat acceptance movement, but classes that address it pretty much do not exist, so I've been taking sociology classes that relate to other areas of marginalization that intersect with the body. I took sociology of power last summer, I'm taking race and ethnicity right now, and I will take sociology of gender this coming summer.

The soci of power professor was just this side of hostile about my doing my final project on the size acceptance movement, on top of the time she announced to the class off-hand that she was putting an appetite suppressant in her water bottle. So that's definitely not going to work. My current professor is much better, and was extremely receptive to my doing my final paper on race and body image. I really like her and the class, but her research areas aren't close to my interests for this project at all.

My last hope for finding someone in these classes will be the gender course this summer. If that professor doesn't work, I'm sort of at a loss. I guess I'll have to try and find someone in the area that does focus on fat studies or something related to that and meets the qualifications for being an external adviser (I have to find out exactly what those are).

I have until winter to do so, but I'd like to get the person lined up as soon as I can, if for no reason other than to lift the stress off myself.

Friday Fashion: Summertime Blues

Summertime Blues by reluctantlyadultish featuring a chunky chain necklace

Friday Fashion: Punk Lady

Punk Lady by reluctantlyadultish featuring vegan shoes

From the Archive: So, are you trying to lose weight?

"From the Archive" is a series of posts that I wrote on past, no-longer-updated blogs that I feel are good enough to need a new home.

This post was originally written in January 2014.

I have been following vegan blogs and Twitter accounts pretty frequently since my month-long foray last year, and in doing so, I've encountered a depressing amount of fat-shaming.

There seem to be a lot of places touting veganism as a hot new way to lose weight, and frankly I'm pretty sick of it.

I am NOT doing this to lose weight. As I say in my FAQ section, I practice Health at Every Size and am a believer in fat acceptance. I am a fat woman and will likely stay that way.


I have a checkered and troubled history with dieting, as do many women nowadays, especially those of us who grew up as the chubby kid. I was on and off diets from the age of 8 or 9 until I swore them off entirely in my mid-20s. Name a weight-loss company or fad diet, and I've probably tried it. At one point (the last straw, really) I even did one of those liquid things that keeps you at caloric levels below what might be considered torture if it were done on prisoners of war. Oh, and that was supervised by a "doctor" who also prescribed me Phentermine, which was one half of Fen-Phen. Which, you know, killed people.

If anyone is going to come at me with how terrrrrrrible it is to be fat, I'm going to point you here, here, here, and here.

I've seen too much anti-fat bias in the vegan community. It needs to end. There have been fat-shaming PETA ads (they are one of MANY reasons I dislike PETA) as well as everyday, casual uses of anti-chub language all over vegan blogs and social media feeds.

This is NOT a weight loss plan. This is a way of eating that makes me feel good about my choices for animals and the environment, and makes my body feel better. It has nothing to do with the amount of adipose tissue residing under my skin.


This is a body positive vegan blog.

Friday Fashion: She Sells Sea Shells

She Sell Sea Shells by reluctantlyadultish featuring Mossimo

Friday Fashion: Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th by reluctantlyadultish featuring a vintage black purse

From the Archive: I don't want to associate with fat-shamers

"From the Archive" is a series of posts that I wrote on past, no-longer-updated blogs that I feel are good enough to need a new home.

This post was originally written in January 2014.

I recently requested to join a "vegan humor" group on Facebook (what? Vegans have a sense of humor?! Gasp!), and was somewhat dismayed with what I saw.

You guessed it, fat-shaming.

I don't clearly remember all of the stuff that I came across, but there were at least a couple that related to animals who had gotten fat by eating fast food. First of all, that's not even original. The "lol, McDonald's makes you fat" trope has been happening forever. Don't insult me with lazy comedy. Second, it's not based on truth. Fat people don't have significantly different lifestyles than thin people. Individuals have different sizes and shapes across the spectrum of eating and movement regiments -- from couch potatoes to Olympic athletes. Stop spreading misinformation. Third, you're being hateful and rude. Don't do that.

Needless to say (I assume), I left the group. While technically the admin seems to have decreed that body-shaming wasn't allowed, these posts were still up, and any dissent against them was thinsplained away. Not worth the aggravation.

But here's the most important part: I don't want to associate with people who think that kind of hate is funny or clever. The internet is a place where I have forged friendships, and I prefer not to have those sorts of individuals in my life. I don't stand for bigotry, and I don't want to make friends with people who do.

Fashion Friday: Dog Days

Dog Days by reluctantlyadultish featuring lace-up boots

What If Chubby Girls in Crop Tops Were A Thing When I Was Younger?

Lately, going through the body-positive part of Tumblr means you'll likely stumble across many pictures of fat chicks wearing crop tops. I think this is awesome, have bought a few myself, and am waiting for the right combination of hot weather and not giving a fuck to actually wear them with naught but a bra underneath as god intended.

I was wearing one over a tank top recently, and it made me think -- what if this trend, and really, the whole body positive movement, had been around when I was a teenager?

My high school experience occurred from 1998 to 2002, so we had the internet, but it was still relatively new (and slow), and things like Tumblr did not yet exist. The closest thing I had ever had to social media was my AOL profile -- I wouldn't even get a LiveJournal until my first semester of college.

So all I had to model myself after was mass media and friends. I didn't get to see shining images of happy fat ladies showing off their belly rolls and batwings. There was no example in my face to let my know it was OK to rock a mini skirt or crop top.

As a chubby teenager, my experience with my body was probably similar to lots of other fat ladies out there. I was uncomfortable in my skin a lot of the time. I had good friends who generally didn't make me feel bad about myself, at least not on purpose -- sometimes comparing myself to them did a number, but that wasn't really their fault. I was on and off diets, I couldn't be quite as trendy as I wanted because the girls' section of PacSun wouldn't get over one thigh. The really overt bullying had mostly stopped in middle school, but I still had plenty of body image issues, many of which I'm not yet over today.

If there had been a fast internet full of social media images where girls who looked like me were rocking their bodies with pride, would I have felt better? Would I have been on fewer of those diets? Maybe the issue of not finding clothes would have been the same, but it's also possible I would have spent less time comparing myself to my in-person peers if I had online ones who made me feel good? 

Obviously what-ifs can never really have an answer, but just thinking about it makes me a little bit hopeful. This generation of teenage girls is growing up with something I, and people older than I am, didn't have -- widespread availability of people who look like they do, shown in a positive light.

This is why I'm pro-selfie, and why I so love things like the #everyBODYisflawless video. Women -- well, people of all genders, but especially women -- need to see what regular people look like. We need to see how different everyone is, and how that diversity is beautiful.

From the Archive: A Short, Angry Letter to Fish's Eddy

"From the Archive" is a series of posts that I wrote on past, no-longer-updated blogs that I feel are good enough to need a new home.

This post was originally written in September 2011.

Have you seen Fish's Eddy's "Intervention Ware"? (This plate is the worst in my opinion.) Well, I just did and they inspired me to write this letter:

Hi,

I just thought you would be interested to know that I was recently alerted to your "intervention" plates, and as such, I will no longer shop at your store.

We live in a size-biased, fat-hating society that constantly tells women (and men, but it's worse for women) that they are not good enough based on their appearance and their ability to conform to an arbitrary beauty standard. Fat people are discriminated against and mocked. We have girls as young as 5 going on diets and suffering from eating disorders and merchandise like this is contributing to that problem.

I have spent my entire life being bullied based on size and I do not need a store to continue this trend.

You have officially lost a customer. I will soon be moving and, as such, will need dinnerware. Under other circumstances I would have come to your store to get it, but now I think I will take my business to somewhere that doesn't make me feel like less of a person because of my appearance.

I know it's short, and it's not my most eloquently-written angry letter, but it gets the point across. I mean, anything sold with the slogan "serve up a heaping scoop of guilt!" has to be stopped.

Friday Fashion: Warmth

Warmth by reluctantlyadultish featuring strappy shoes

From the Archive: Why I don't want a 10 to be considered "plus sized"

"From the Archive" is a series of posts that I wrote on past, no-longer-updated blogs that I feel are good enough to need a new home.

This post was originally written in June 2011.

Forgive me if this sounds like a half-cocked rant. I'm really tired today but felt like I needed to say something.

I saw that the site Refinery 29 is launching a site for "plus size ladies size 10 and up." My reaction, instead of being glad to see that, is that I am decidedly not OK with a 10 being considered plus sized. (Note: all clothing sizes I refer to are U.S. measurements.)

It's not because (as someone actually said to me on Twitter) I think 10 is "normal," which, of course, indicates that plus sizes are a deviation from that. It's not because I think "plus size" is an offensive label or that it somehow damages the otherwise-socially-acceptable size of 10. It's because plus sizes need to keep aiming up, not down.

As it is, the smaller end of plus sizes -- currently the standard is to start at 14 -- get the bulk of the good stuff. There are more options, more representation in models (though plus models are still overwhelmingly too small), and more mainstream recognition. Once you pass, say, a size 20 or 22, you're in a proverbial no-(wo)man's land.

I can only sort of speak from experience on this. The largest I have been is about a 22/24 (and the smallest in my adult life is about a 16), so I have never really faced what it's like to be someone who needs a 28, 30, 32, or larger.

What I experienced is that once your size has a 2 in front of it, there is an immediate drop in options. Lines that brag about how they are making plus sizes and are suddenly oh-so-accepting-and-awesome don't really cater to anyone high up there. When Forever 21 first introduced plus sizes, they included 1X and 2X. That's not exactly much of an extension, especially when you consider that they also run small. Now, they have corrected themselves a little, going to 3X and adding in more styles. But that still excludes a lot of people.

So my reason is that including size 10 in the line of plus means the border is even lower, so women who wear sizes higher than 20 will be considered even farther outside the threshold between straight and plus sizes. In a world where lines already cater to the smallest plus size possible, the last thing we need is to have that size be even smaller. It's not because I think being called a plus size is a bad thing. It's because too many other people do, so to be further outside the so-called norm will be incredibly damaging to a group that is already too often excluded.

Friday Fashion: Bring May Flowers

Bring May Flowers by reluctantlyadultish featuring a moto jacket

Friday Fashion: Presentation

Presentation by reluctantlyadultish featuring a lip treatment