I need to find an adviser.
My school assigned one to me, of course, but I have to have a second. An external adviser, to help with the subject matter of my dissertation. See, I'm in an interdisciplinary field -- Information Studies -- and part of my program involves taking courses in a co-related area, in addition to the external adviser search.
So what's the problem? Why can't I just ask one of my sociology professors to do it?
I could, technically. But none of the classes I'm taking is exactly where I want to focus my research. I want to write my dissertation on the fat acceptance movement, but classes that address it pretty much do not exist, so I've been taking sociology classes that relate to other areas of marginalization that intersect with the body. I took sociology of power last summer, I'm taking race and ethnicity right now, and I will take sociology of gender this coming summer.
The soci of power professor was just this side of hostile about my doing my final project on the size acceptance movement, on top of the time she announced to the class off-hand that she was putting an appetite suppressant in her water bottle. So that's definitely not going to work. My current professor is much better, and was extremely receptive to my doing my final paper on race and body image. I really like her and the class, but her research areas aren't close to my interests for this project at all.
My last hope for finding someone in these classes will be the gender course this summer. If that professor doesn't work, I'm sort of at a loss. I guess I'll have to try and find someone in the area that does focus on fat studies or something related to that and meets the qualifications for being an external adviser (I have to find out exactly what those are).
I have until winter to do so, but I'd like to get the person lined up as soon as I can, if for no reason other than to lift the stress off myself.
Showing posts with label phd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label phd. Show all posts
Monday, April 13, 2015
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Dissertations, Employment, and Other Terrifying Things
"I live in the present and am confident in the future."
I wrote that mantra in a notebook three times this morning, trying to make myself believe it. The only reason I stopped at three is because I didn't want to venture into "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy" territory; really, I need to write and think it a million times in a desperate attempt to internalize the message.
Recently, my therapist suggested I try affirmations to boost my confidence and self-esteem. She said that I could look in books or online for ideas if nothing original came to mind, and indeed, I pulled the one above off of some random website on the first page of results when you Google "affirmations."
I have trouble thinking about the future. Supposedly this is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder, which I never would have associated with myself because I never considered the years of struggling with depression and anxiety as PTSD until my shrink referred to them as such. I think it's common to associate PTSD with people who have survived events like war or assault, but traumas can be anything. Mine comes from having been bullied as a child, which still has an effect on my daily life even though it occurred 20 years ago. It's liberating to have this frame of reference for my issues, like they exist for a reason, and not because I'm broken or defective, which is how I've often felt in the past.
Planning has always been tough for me. The last time I had a concrete answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was when I was about 5, and I think I wanted to be a ballerina-slash-veterinarian, or maybe a mermaid (actually I'd still kind of like to be a mermaid). Most of my college friends had some sort of dream and a plan to go with it. I cycled through four majors, and only landed on the one I finally graduated with -- psychology -- because I couldn't change again without delaying graduation. When I was working on my master's degree, I never had an answer to the question of what I wanted to do when I was out of school. Most of my classmates had something, but even half-formed, cobbled-together plans eluded me, and it always made me feel like I was missing out. I thought maybe it was a lack of passion for the field (journalism), but there are aspects that I love, and I still couldn't envision my future.
Now I'm working on a doctorate, and I do feel passionate about the field (information studies), but there are still questions I can't answer. I don't really have a reply when people ask why I chose my program -- I did so on a whim, as I tend to do when making major life decisions because I simply cannot see beyond what sounds good in the moment. I also am unable to tell you what I plan to do with the degree. Sure, I'd be comfortable in academia, but I could probably be happy in some other area.
When I try to envision myself in 5 or 10 years, I see nothing. It's a big black wall. I just recently, within the past couple of weeks, made a tentative plan for the rest of my coursework. If I can get everything worked out and take classes this summer, I should finish with classes a year from now, and take my comprehensive exam in fall 2015. Being able to say that is enormous progress, because last semester a professor asked when we were each planning to take the comps and I was the only one who hemmed and hawed and didn't have even a vague idea. I also decided on a broad topic for my dissertation so I can take the correct electives. Again, progress.
My whole existence is walls, or at least it feels that way. There's the black wall of my future. There's another, all around me, that prevents me from letting people in, making friendships and relationships really hard. It's time to knock them down. I think there are a few cracks in the black wall in front of me, but the other needs to go as well. I just need to make sure the whole building doesn't crumble as I do it.
I wrote that mantra in a notebook three times this morning, trying to make myself believe it. The only reason I stopped at three is because I didn't want to venture into "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy" territory; really, I need to write and think it a million times in a desperate attempt to internalize the message.
Recently, my therapist suggested I try affirmations to boost my confidence and self-esteem. She said that I could look in books or online for ideas if nothing original came to mind, and indeed, I pulled the one above off of some random website on the first page of results when you Google "affirmations."
I have trouble thinking about the future. Supposedly this is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder, which I never would have associated with myself because I never considered the years of struggling with depression and anxiety as PTSD until my shrink referred to them as such. I think it's common to associate PTSD with people who have survived events like war or assault, but traumas can be anything. Mine comes from having been bullied as a child, which still has an effect on my daily life even though it occurred 20 years ago. It's liberating to have this frame of reference for my issues, like they exist for a reason, and not because I'm broken or defective, which is how I've often felt in the past.
Planning has always been tough for me. The last time I had a concrete answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was when I was about 5, and I think I wanted to be a ballerina-slash-veterinarian, or maybe a mermaid (actually I'd still kind of like to be a mermaid). Most of my college friends had some sort of dream and a plan to go with it. I cycled through four majors, and only landed on the one I finally graduated with -- psychology -- because I couldn't change again without delaying graduation. When I was working on my master's degree, I never had an answer to the question of what I wanted to do when I was out of school. Most of my classmates had something, but even half-formed, cobbled-together plans eluded me, and it always made me feel like I was missing out. I thought maybe it was a lack of passion for the field (journalism), but there are aspects that I love, and I still couldn't envision my future.
Now I'm working on a doctorate, and I do feel passionate about the field (information studies), but there are still questions I can't answer. I don't really have a reply when people ask why I chose my program -- I did so on a whim, as I tend to do when making major life decisions because I simply cannot see beyond what sounds good in the moment. I also am unable to tell you what I plan to do with the degree. Sure, I'd be comfortable in academia, but I could probably be happy in some other area.
When I try to envision myself in 5 or 10 years, I see nothing. It's a big black wall. I just recently, within the past couple of weeks, made a tentative plan for the rest of my coursework. If I can get everything worked out and take classes this summer, I should finish with classes a year from now, and take my comprehensive exam in fall 2015. Being able to say that is enormous progress, because last semester a professor asked when we were each planning to take the comps and I was the only one who hemmed and hawed and didn't have even a vague idea. I also decided on a broad topic for my dissertation so I can take the correct electives. Again, progress.
My whole existence is walls, or at least it feels that way. There's the black wall of my future. There's another, all around me, that prevents me from letting people in, making friendships and relationships really hard. It's time to knock them down. I think there are a few cracks in the black wall in front of me, but the other needs to go as well. I just need to make sure the whole building doesn't crumble as I do it.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Sell Out With Me Oh Yeah
As an angsty teenage punk rocker, I learned that one of the worst things you could do was sell out. It meant you had no soul, that you only cared about money and not your ~*~*art*~*~ or whatever.
I'm not sure exactly how I was defining the phrase, or where the line was that you crossed to become a sell-out, though. Was anyone who made decent money doing something a sell-out, or was it only if you compromised yourself for it? Where did natural changes that come with age and maturity factor in?
I was a teenager, so I didn't really have answers.
What I knew was that selling out was bad. It made you an awful person who only cared about money, etc.
What I know now is that I really, really want to sell out.
Maybe it's age, maybe it's time spent not being able to pay my own rent or have any luxuries, but I no longer feel the need to live in poverty to prove anything. I want to have my own life with rent and food and pets and nice things.
I'm working on a PhD. Hopefully that will lead to a job that pays well. I am not ashamed to have that as my goal. A nice, comfortable life is important, and there's nothing wrong with seeking it.
I'm not sure exactly how I was defining the phrase, or where the line was that you crossed to become a sell-out, though. Was anyone who made decent money doing something a sell-out, or was it only if you compromised yourself for it? Where did natural changes that come with age and maturity factor in?
I was a teenager, so I didn't really have answers.
What I knew was that selling out was bad. It made you an awful person who only cared about money, etc.
What I know now is that I really, really want to sell out.
Maybe it's age, maybe it's time spent not being able to pay my own rent or have any luxuries, but I no longer feel the need to live in poverty to prove anything. I want to have my own life with rent and food and pets and nice things.
I'm working on a PhD. Hopefully that will lead to a job that pays well. I am not ashamed to have that as my goal. A nice, comfortable life is important, and there's nothing wrong with seeking it.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Travel Time!
Ack, I'm leaving for Spain today! I'm really excited and nervous and just sort of a ball of feelings and preparations. Fortunately, as you can see above, the quality assurance team was on hand to inspect my luggage for me.
Amazingly enough, I feel really prepared. Usually before I go on a trip I am frantic and run around thinking I forgot something, but not today. I'm still getting the last things together, but I'm not too worried. It doesn't hurt that I'm going to a city where I could probably find something if I forgot it. Plus, assuming high school didn't completely fail me, I speak some of the language. That barrier has made me nervous when I've traveled internationally before, so it's nice that yo hablo español.
I'm not even too scared about giving a presentation. Honestly my biggest concern is the fact that I'm presenting early in the morning and may still have some jet lag! I did this paper for a class last semester, so I've presented it before, and had feedback so I knew what needed to be fixed. It's almost like my class presentation was a dress rehearsal! Don't tell the professor I said that, haha.
It kind of sucks that I have to miss classes, but I've been working hard to get ahead so I don't fall behind. Plus, the week after I return is spring break so I can catch back up on anything I miss.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Big news!
I wrote a paper for my class last semester about the ways people share information differently between social media and dating sites.
And...
...
...
It was accepted into a conference in Madrid! I'm going to be traveling to Spain at the end of the month. Hooray!
And...
...
...
It was accepted into a conference in Madrid! I'm going to be traveling to Spain at the end of the month. Hooray!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Oh Right, School
Well, it's that time again. My classes have started up for the semester, making me a lot busier and a little more frantic than before. I'm also working a few days a week at the Brooklyn campus library -- which means I get the nice GA position without the two-hour commute.
I'm taking two classes again -- Information Retrieval and Information and Society -- and they're both interesting to varying degrees of difficulty. I&S is what I would usually consider to be up my alley. It's theoretical, talks about widespread implications, and incorporates psych, sociology, and politics. If that doesn't scream "Liza," I don't know what does.
IR is a lot more technical and tricky. But I still think it's going to be good! The subject matter is actually quite interesting. I'm just not used to seeing equations. I haven't taken math since undergrad, and even then I barely squeaked by. But fortunately the professor said we don't really need to memorize the mathematical parts; we're mostly going to focus on the theory.
As far as professors go, I really like them both. My righteous feminist side loves that they're both women, and I find them each easy to listen to and understand. Not that I had any issues last year, of course.
On a more personal, non-school note, my anxiety has been flaring up monstrously this past week. I believe it's fueled by some personal stuff and is finding new and creative ways to manifest itself. But I'll save those for a later post.
I'm taking two classes again -- Information Retrieval and Information and Society -- and they're both interesting to varying degrees of difficulty. I&S is what I would usually consider to be up my alley. It's theoretical, talks about widespread implications, and incorporates psych, sociology, and politics. If that doesn't scream "Liza," I don't know what does.
IR is a lot more technical and tricky. But I still think it's going to be good! The subject matter is actually quite interesting. I'm just not used to seeing equations. I haven't taken math since undergrad, and even then I barely squeaked by. But fortunately the professor said we don't really need to memorize the mathematical parts; we're mostly going to focus on the theory.
As far as professors go, I really like them both. My righteous feminist side loves that they're both women, and I find them each easy to listen to and understand. Not that I had any issues last year, of course.
On a more personal, non-school note, my anxiety has been flaring up monstrously this past week. I believe it's fueled by some personal stuff and is finding new and creative ways to manifest itself. But I'll save those for a later post.
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