Summer Reading List

With my semester ending this week, I will finally have time to read for fun. So I've decided to make a list of the books I'd like to tackle this summer, which I've compiled into a list on Goodreads (feel free to friend me!) as well as below.


1. Game of Thrones - George R.R. Martin

2. Four to Score - Janet Evanovich

3. At Times I Almost Dream - Amy E. Yergen


4. The Casual Vacancy - J.K. Rowling

5. Cinderella Ate My Daughter - Peggy Orenstein

6. The Eleventh Plague - Jeff Hirsch


7. The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman

8. Legend - Marie Lu

9. Lady X's Cowboy - Zoe Archer

10. Hot & Heavy - Virgie Tovar


I will likely also tackle some school-related items, like The Content Analysis Handbook and a review of what we read this year, but I'm looking forward to some novels as well.

Friday Fashion: Just the Right Amount of Skin

As the weather warms, we need to find nice clothes that are cool and comfortable. Now, I'm never ever going to tell you that how much skin you show is dictated by your body. You should not feel obligated to cover up or show off based on how fat or thin you are, the size of your chest, or any other reason. But sometimes we have to be dressed a little nicer, or even go to work, when it's warm. So here are a few cute pieces that show a little skin while still being pretty widely appropriate.

Disclaimer type thing: Always follow your employer's dress code.

 

The back on this is sheer, so it may be best for a summer party or date night as opposed to work, but it's so cute I had to include it.

Fallon Lace Top, Lucie Lu, $34

Jolie Top, B&Lu, $32

Polka Dot Tie Front Blouse, Forever 21, $19.80

Corrie Shrug (great for over a tank), B&Lu, $26

Floral and Lace Bow Top, Forever 21, $17.80

Jersey Keyhole Blouse, Old Navy, $24.94

Cowl Neck Top, Old Navy, $24.94

Lace Yoke Tee, Old Navy, $24.94

Concern Trolling and Unattainable Perfection

Concern trolling is the act of pretending you care about someone as a means of bullying and harassing them. It's the person who hates all fat people but pretends to just be super worried for our health, for example.

People who do this don't actually care about whatever it is they say they care about. They hate. Whatever group it is they're after, it is out of loathing and prejudice. And it's yet another way we are expected to strive for an unattainable level of perfection.

I wrote about the burden of perfection before, and it hasn't gone anywhere. Previously, I was talking about how the internet and the lousy job market come together to make sure our every little move and flaw is held against us and that we must be utterly perfect in order to be considered for jobs. With concern trolling, it's more about social perfection.

We're too fat; we're too thin; we're too slutty; we're prudes; we're too this or too that. There is no winning. No matter what we do, we're doing it wrong. There's no way to work within a system like this, so the only way to overcome it is to take a radical instead of reformist stance.

This is where we reject and ignore everyone who tells us there's something wrong. All the magazines that give out diet tips, all the shows that ridicule wardrobes, all the commercials for magic pills and gyms, and so on. Throw them out, turn them off, whatever. Ignore people who say awful things on the internet. Don't let the trolls -- online or in real life -- dominate your mind.

If we were all perfect, no one would have anything to learn and life would be pretty boring. As trite and cliche as it sounds, our flaws are what make us who we are. Why are we constantly under pressure to eliminate the very things that make us interesting ? (The answer to that is money. If we hate ourselves it's easier to sell us self-improvement products.)

Obviously, a radical overhaul of the system is easier said than done, especially for people who need to find and keep a job. But we can live outside it in small ways, like what I listed above. Striking a balance between your needs and your principles won't always be easy, but it's part of growing up.

Respect and Big Life Decisions

Recently a friend linked to an article by the lovely Jen Kirkman called Stop Telling Me I'll "Change My Mind" About Wanting Kids. It is great, and articulates many of my own thoughts and views on the subject.

As someone who has no interest in procreating but is still relatively young, I still get told I will change my mind when I talk about not wanting kids. I can't even count the ways that this is rude, demeaning, and condescending. OK, I'll try.

First of all, it's none of your business why someone wants kids or doesn't, if they will change their mind, or what they would do in the case of an accidental pregnancy. If someone mentions in conversation that they don't plan to reproduce, that's not an invitation to start grilling them about reasons. It's a big decision, and an extremely personal one. Plus, your questions could be extremely painful if this person is infertile.

Telling someone they will change their mind is absolutely horrible. You are basically saying that you don't respect the decisions they have made about their own life based on something like their age, their marital status, or their living situation. Even if it's not what you would do, even if it's not the socially accepted life plan, you have to realize that individuals know their desires and their needs better than anyone else.

Plus, think about it this way: would you tell a young pregnant person that she is going to change her mind? What if the baby comes and they regret becoming a parent? I hope that doesn't happen much, because I'd hate for a child to grow up feeling unwanted. Yes, I care about children having good lives even though I don't want my own. But really, the average age for first pregnancy in the U.S. is 25. I'm four years past that. I would think if a 25-year-old can have her decision to bear children respected, a 29-year-old should be able to expect the same of her decision not to.

And if, by some strange twist of fate, I or anyone else does change their mind, so what? It would mean I arrived at a new decision through thought and careful consideration. And in turn, that would mean I would be prepared for the ramifications of said decision and sure of what I want. It's unlikely to happen, but I fail to see how someone has taken the massive task of parenting under careful consideration before choosing to do it is a bad thing.

The bottom line is, people get to make their own choices about their lives. Assuming they aren't hurting anyone, everyone else needs to respect what others do. Telling someone they will change their mind is not respect. It's condescension, and it's a pretty immature and rude thing to do.

Friday Fashion: What To Put Around Your Neck When It's No Longer Scarf Weather

Necklaces! I know I love them, but when it's cold out we have to be careful what we wear alongside scarves. Well, in theory, scarf time is over. So here are a few options to try out.

(Full disclosure, the first three are being sold on Etsy by a friend of mine, but I have one of her necklaces and constantly get compliments on it.)

 

Bead Pendant, Hello Azalea, $24

 

Miniature Silver Wire Elephant, Hello Azalea, $16

Gold and Silver Chevron Bunting Necklace, Hello Azalea, $20

Alarm Clock Necklace (also available in gold), Forever 21, $1.80

Painted Cutout Bib Necklace, Forever 21, $7.80

 

Collar Necklace, Bubble Jewellery, $8.99

Swallows Bib Necklace, Firegarden, $5.99

Black Filigree Bib, Instead of Zzs, $16

Fabric Flower Necklace in Mustard Yellow, Chicken Scratch'd, $12

Disclaimer type thing: Because many of these are from Etsy, I do not guarantee the availability of the items or reliability of the shops; this is merely a collection of necklaces I saw and liked.

Welcome to the Thunderdome: Apartment Hunting in NYC

I'm moving! Finally!

For those who don't know, I have been staying with my parents for a very long time. Save for a month living with a roommate in Queens who I subsequently had to escape from (I will probably post about that some time), I've been stuck in their apartment for the past five years.

But on Saturday I paid the deposit and picked up the keys to a place in Prospect Heights. I'll be with two roommates (and two cats), from whom I've gotten a really good vibe even though I don't know them. The bedroom is fairly spacious (by New York standards) and the shared space is pretty clean. Plus, there's a decent-sized patio.

How did I find such a gem? Luck, mostly. Apartment hunting in NYC is a blood sport, and you have to have equal parts patience, perseverance, and good fortune. After scam email replies to Craigslist inquiries, brokers who never called me back, and panic attacks about sky-high rent, serendipity came in the form of a listserv message.

The ad for a room came across a local feminist email list I am on. The neighborhood was where I want to be; the rent was reasonable; I knew we'd have ideological similarities; they have pets. So on a whim I replied.

I took my parents to check the place out, and we all got a good vibe from the space, the neighborhood, and the people. I had to wait to make sure friends of the third roommate didn't want it, and then I got a text saying the room was mine if I was still interested.

Now I'm packing. Technically, my lease starts May 1, though I have an exam that day. I'll probably move in gradually over a few days or weekends, and let's hope this one doesn't turn ugly. (I genuinely don't think it will. I had gut feelings about the other place that I ignored, and I did not have them here.)

Big Boobs and Double Standards

To introduce my thought, I'm going to show an image from Busty Girl Comics.

This pretty perfectly illustrates what I would like to say here about the double standards that come out based on body type. While I could probably write volumes about the issues faces by people who happen to be fat, right now I would specifically like to talk about breast size.

As someone who has a very large chest, I can say with certainty that we face a unique set of challenges. There are practical matters, like how bras with a cup size larger than DD are extremely hard to find, and those that exist are expensive and usually unattractive. Or how clothing can often fit everywhere else but strain at the chest. Or how we have back pain, difficulty with overhead roller coaster restraints, and awkward placement of over-the-shoulder bag straps.


For the most part, those are all things that are annoying but tolerable. What I cannot abide is the double standards issued by other people based solely on build.

So let's take a look at the image above. The two women in it are wearing the exact same shirt, but the one who is significantly bustier is being told she should dress more "appropriately" so she more closely resembles the smaller-chested woman. It seems safe to assume the cartoon is depicting coworkers and a manager. This is likely a setting where excessive skin is not allowed, which is the prerogative of whoever makes the dress code. Neither woman is showing much skin, as the top is relatively modest. The only difference is the size of the one woman's breasts, for which she is being admonished. She is essentially being told that her body is inappropriate and dirty.

The woman is being chastised for something she cannot control. I know, someone will probably try to point out that she could have a breast reduction, but why should she? She really should not have to go through the cost and pain of a major surgery like that unless she really wants to. And while everyone's experience in their body will be different, I can personally say that I would have to be in a lot of physical agony to consider that option.

The message of that response is that women should drastically and dangerously alter themselves to fit into an ideal of "appropriate." Personally, I don't find this suggestion to be appropriate. A pair of breasts under a shirt are not inherently inappropriate; they are just two mounds of fat and tissue that develop naturally in case you want to some day use them to feed offspring. Their sexuality is culturally assigned, which means it can be culturally removed.

The size of someone's chest doesn't indicate how sexual they are (and of course, sexuality does not indicate how smart or capable someone is), nor does fat indicate health or habit. Bodies are just bodies. We live in them and dress them and care for them the best that we can. What needs to drastically alter is the current paradigm of perception and judgment toward bodies.