Things Women of an Arbitrary Age Should and Should Not Do

I keep seeing clickbait posts from various sources (that I won't give the satisfaction of linking to) outlining all the things women (always women!) should and shouldn't do, wear, and have after certain milestone ages like 25 or 30.

Apparently, women of a certain and arbitrary age shouldn't wear cheap makeup, buy the clothes we like, decorate our homes to our own aesthetic, enjoy our own hobbies, or have any fun or joy left in our lives. All for the sake of being a proper adult.

Here's the thing: shut up.

I'm 31 years old, and I wear cheap makeup because that's what I can afford. I have concert posters hanging in my bedroom because it makes me happy to think about those events and the fun I had.

They're not even framed! I reserved framing for my own photography, which I also have hanging because it makes me think of the fun events I shot and a hobby that I love.

I buy shotglasses as souvenirs because they're cheap and small, which makes them easy to transport and display. I also have a handful of vinyl bobbleheads because they make me think of stories I like that bring me happiness, plus they're cute.

Here's my list of what people of any gender should and should not do at any age:

• You SHOULD decorate your home in whatever way makes you happy.
• You SHOULD NOT pass judgment on others for hanging the art they like, framing it or not framing it as they see fit, or anything else superficial.
• You SHOULD do whatever hobbies make you happy as long as you aren't actively harming another living creature.
• You SHOULD NOT judge anyone else's hobbies.
• You SHOULD wear clothes that you like and that make you happy, while keeping in mind occasion appropriateness and work rules (sucks, but those do exist).
• You SHOULD NOT make rude comments or judgments about others' wardrobe choices.
• You SHOULD take care of yourself in the best way that you can, keeping in mind that this means different things for different people based on abilities, life situations, and priorities.
• You SHOULD NOT assume that others' priorities about their own health and happiness are the same as yours.
• You SHOULD NOT apologize for your fashion choices, lifestyle, weight, gender identity, sexual preference, hobbies, health priorities, living situation, career choices, or anything else that is not harming others.
• You SHOULD NOT expect others to apologize for or explain any of those things.

That's it. I honestly don't give a squirt if you want to play video games, wear $1 lipstick, decorate your place like the inside of Austin Powers' jet, or rock the word "juicy" on your ass. Whatever makes you happy.

Sell Out With Me Oh Yeah

As an angsty teenage punk rocker, I learned that one of the worst things you could do was sell out. It meant you had no soul, that you only cared about money and not your ~*~*art*~*~ or whatever.

I'm not sure exactly how I was defining the phrase, or where the line was that you crossed to become a sell-out, though. Was anyone who made decent money doing something a sell-out, or was it only if you compromised yourself for it? Where did natural changes that come with age and maturity factor in?

I was a teenager, so I didn't really have answers.

What I knew was that selling out was bad. It made you an awful person who only cared about money, etc.

What I know now is that I really, really want to sell out.

Maybe it's age, maybe it's time spent not being able to pay my own rent or have any luxuries, but I no longer feel the need to live in poverty to prove anything. I want to have my own life with rent and food and pets and nice things.

I'm working on a PhD. Hopefully that will lead to a job that pays well. I am not ashamed to have that as my goal. A nice, comfortable life is important, and there's nothing wrong with seeking it.

Nobody Believes I'm 30, and That's Actually Not a Good Thing

This post is probably going to sound like a humblebrag, but it's not. This is legitimately something that bugs me.

People don't believe me when I say I'm 30. When I moved into my apartment my roommates were surprised to hear it -- they thought I was about 25. And then yesterday at work it happened again.

I recently dyed my hair brown. I was trying to cover up the pinkish undertones that wouldn't leave after my most recent foray into purpledom, and to do so I had to go fairly dark. The woman at work commented that it made me look more mature, and I said, "well, I am 30." She was pretty shocked, because she thought I was in my twenties.

I'm not lying. See:

I'm 30. Not to mention 5'6" with brown eyes.

I inherited my complexion from my grandmother, who had beautiful skin. Even at her death at 87 she didn't really look her age. And I know that some day, likely not too far in the future, I'll be glad of this. But for right now it's annoying.

See, young women don't get taken seriously. We just don't. I know someone will try to argue that young people in general don't get taken seriously, but let's not split hairs: it's worse for women. We get talked over and mansplained, there's the obvious and well-documented wage gap, we get covertly and overtly discriminated against because the assumption is that a) we don't know anything and b) we're just going to leave next year to make babies.

I'm the second-youngest person in my cohort (and the youngest woman). It hasn't been too big of an issue, but I do sometimes feel that when certain topics come up my word isn't taken seriously. Like there's an unspoken assumption that I have less "life experience" and therefore can't speak with authority on some subjects. (That's not to mention the "you're young, you'll change your mind" I once got from someone when I mentioned I'm not planning on having kids.) I feel that having less of a personal attachment to some topics means you have a more distanced and objective viewpoint that can be beneficial. Not for everything (for example, I wouldn't presume to know more about racism, homophobia, or cissexism than someone who had experienced it), but there are places where distance provides clarity.

The things I've addressed here actually were a lot of the impetus for starting this blog and giving it this title in the first place. I know there have been many posts that don't have to do with adultishness (what, that's totally a word), but the spirit is still here. And I've been trying to present myself with a more mature persona. Hence the dark hair. I've also been trying to dress the part -- those cut up punk tees are only for casual lounging -- to maintain an air of professionalism. It's hard, of course, and not without its sacrifices. But it feels like something I need to do.