Tuesday, December 10, 2013

30 Days of Mental Health Awareness: Day 15

I'm taking part in the 30 Days of Mental Health Awareness Challenge. Every day I'll post in response to their prompts.

Day 15: How has your life been effected by your illness(es)? (Some ideas are: relationships, career, school)

I had a very difficult time in journalism school, as far as making friends and connections, because my depression wasn't controlled at the time and was manifesting itself in sneaky ways. It made me withdrawn and negative and irritable, which made it hard to meet people and forge relationships.

 I have what my mother calls a wall up around me. I don't let people in. This makes social and romantic relationships nearly impossible. When I am in a setting with the friends I do have, I often feel less like I'm in the moment and more like I'm watching from within a glass box.

According to my therapist, it's common for people with PTSD to have a shortened sense of the future. I don't plan ahead. I can't visualize myself in 5 or 10 years. I can focus on the immediate -- finishing the semester, getting through the holidays, and starting up again in January. But I can't picture my comps, or my dissertation, or what I may do after I'm done. And I've felt this way for as long as I can remember.

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